Twenty-Four

I realize that this may be a highly personal post, but it's something that has been on my mind for weeks.  A couple of months ago at church, another girl in my ward was talking about how as much as she would like to say that her life is going according to "Plan B", it's always been "Plan A".  I knew exactly what she was talking about because John Bytheway gave a regional fireside a couple of years ago on this subject.  Plan A obviously is marriage, but we should all have a back-up plan or Plan B.  I echo this woman's sentiments completely.  As much as I don't want to admit it publicly, I very much would like my life to go according to Plan A.  So far it hasn't panned out that way.

I remember an occasion when I had to have been 11 or 12, because my Dad still lived with us.  My friend and I were talking with him in the driveway.  Somehow or another he asked us at one point how old we were going to be when we got married.  I remember my answer as clear as day . . . 24.  I can't help but think, I AM 24!  And I'm turning 25 in almost 4 months.  Wow.  I am aware that 24 and even 25 are still young.  It's just hard living in the environment I live in.  Most of my friends from high school are married and I have to keep making new friends with people younger and younger.  Don't get me wrong, I've made some excellent friends that are a few years younger than me.  Again, it's just hard and probably will get harder.  Through this I try to stay positive and optimistic, but that can only go so far in helping the situation.

Lately I've felt as though I'm attracting more guys, but it doesn't last.  At least on their part.  It's kind of frustrating and like John Bytheway talked about, you end up with your arms full of a soapy load of laundry again.  All you want to do is just finish the load and put it in the dryer, but it never gets to that point.  Someday though, a great guy will want to be with me and everything will work out the way it is supposed to.  I did find a great quote from General Conference last October.  I had been listening to the whole conference on my iPod at work and it stood out to me.  This is from Elder Richard G. Scott "With even your strongest faith, God will not always reward you immediately according to your desires.  Rather God will respond with what in His eternal plan is best for you, when it will yield the greatest advantage.  Be thankful that sometimes God lets you struggle for a long time before that answer comes.  That causes your faith to increase and your character to grow."  This has been such a comfort to me and I am grateful for the struggles that I've had in my life.

Now what to do in the meantime?  Plan B.  Oh yeah, still trying to figure that one out.  I have so many different options and I've discussed many of them on this blog already.  Just a refresher though, right now I'm working back at Bountiful City parks again.  Again.  I've made plans to attend Utah State University this fall and do pre-requisites for a variety of options.  I could do radiology like I am planning or could go several other routes.  I still have a few months to figure that out.  I've also starting applying for pr/communications/advertising jobs again.  I know that by taking action, God will help to direct me to where I am supposed to be going and doing with my life.  Now that I've revealed all this insecurity and vulnerability to you all, what I say next is probably surprising.  For the first time I can remember (besides childhood when I wasn't aware boys existed) I can say I am secure in my singleness.  And I'm going to embrace turning 25!